...life is precious...

...so news came last night of the death of amy winehouse...

...sad but not surprising...

...its also sad that people don't see life as precious...

that so many people would live so carelessly

when on the flip side soo many people are fighting for life!!

let me be the first to admit

that there have been times that i have not placed much value on my life nor given any consideration to the loved ones in my life who could have been irrevocably affected by my thoughtless inconsiderate ways...

... how awful is it that people have little awareness of how their behaviour could end their existence in an instant!

meanwhile...

...i see on a weekly basis children and families struggling with emanate death...

...fighting for life...doing everything possible to avoid death...

...i have a friend who is trying every foreseeable and alternate way to create life...

and yet we hear in the news how people take life for granted...

...a man who takes over 90 lives in a few hours...

...people who disregard life by abusing their bodies and minds...

...for me this is a reminder of how blessed we are to have our health..to live in a beautiful country...to have freedom...

...and it is so important to appreciate the gift of life...

...it is precious and we have so much to be thankful for...

...the 'good times'..the carelessness...the thoughtlessness not only affects our gift of life..it impacts on those we leave behind should it all come to an end!!

...live...love...laugh...

...honour and respect this one life we are given...

as one day you may not have the choice!!

what's my lesson here?

...part of becoming the best person i can be..

...part of working on self development is about realising that things happen as they should...or some would say everything happens for a reason...

...so often i still find myself asking WHY???

...what lesson am i meant to be learning here? why has this situation come about and what can i take from it?

...i also am finding that when we don't 'learn' the lesson or change from it...

that same thing will occur over and over again until we do!!

for example...

i lost my mum years ago...

..while she was dying we looked at a place on the GC to place her during her last days...

....long story but she did not end up there...

...yet here i am volunteering in an organisation and today i discover that i will be working in that place for the next few months...

...and even more amazing... there will be someone in my group that has a family member dying the same way my mum did!!!
...coincidence???

i actually don't believe so...

...yet why?

why why why
...i am questioning why 'this' is something i am about to experience...and how unbelievable it is that i am working in this place...
...whats my lesson here?

...confusing?? yes!!!

confronting...yes...

....am i nervous???

...Lord yes!!!!!!!

but....

....although i am questioning it...

...i am also VERY aware that my journey this year was to walk a path where i would be as true to myself as possible...

...part of this includes reminding myself...

at this time...in this moment...

i am in the right place...at the right time...doing the right thing...
this new experience is yet just another stepping stone to creating an even greater awareness of who i am...
...the more i know who i am and what makes me the person i am...

...the greater i am going to be able to help others...

for as i am seeing more and more...people open up to people who are real and authentic because they don't feel they have to be something they are not...

soooo
whats my lesson here? not sure??!! i will keep you posted...
...and it doesn't matter if i struggle a little along the way...i may get a little 'freaked out'...i may hyperventilate in that place...

buttttt

i am willing to look within and try and discover what this experience is trying to teach me?

...CHANGE OF PLANS...

...so i am a 'goal oriented person'...i like structure...i like to know whats happening next in my life..
....i don't appreciate change and i suppose you'd call me a little 'obsessive'...

...well i can honestly say...

...that without knowing it...without an actual awareness at at the time...

...my life plans...goals... just changed!

...that's the fact...
...the point is...

...i survived and i am OK!!!

...at 18 my goals were:

to finish uni...work for a while...be married by 25... kids by 30...

and then raise them, working part time until i felt they were able to look after themselves...

...then to travel and establish my own business... work hard and retire early!!!

...hahahahahahahaahahhaahahahahahahahahahaah...

...for any one that doesn't know me...THOSE PLANS CHANGED!!!

...and never did i regret anything along the way...

...the mistakes i've made...the people i've loved and lost...none of that was planned for...that was just LIFE!!

...and now as i am about to embark on my very first holiday without my girls (who are now 16 and 18)

...i reflect back on how different my plans are now...

...my goals had to be revised...and i am still OK!!

...and although i do ALWAYS aim to achieve goals i am definitely focusing on enjoying and living in the moment...

...cos honestly...who knows what tomorrow brings???

...my plans were to have kids at 30 and i had my first at 20...

...my plan was to work part time raising my kids...now i am a full time uni student and volunteer a few days at week...

...living in the now has also has helped me become OK with change!

...change doesn't have to be bad..it's just different...

and often by taking one day at a time...it takes the pressure off ones self...

...it also has helped me move forward in friendships...

...relationships..

...for who is to say that people cant change too??

..people DOOO change...i have changed...circumstances have made me change...

...at my core i still hold a great deal of my values established as a child...actually i am probably a great deal closer to that person than i have been over the last 10 years...

...and yes i have altered my views on ALOT of things...

but...

i have gained back my tolerance...forgiveness...patience...understanding that i had lost for a while...

...don't get me wrong..people still confuse the heck out of me... i am just less quick to judge!

...i only know that for now...i am proud to say i am OK if life's plans change for me...

...still 'goal focused'...and also a tad 'obsessive'...

NOW...

i KNOW that i have already undertaken some of THE most joyous 'unexpected' changes of plans ( NO 1# being Tayla & Rhegan)

...so who knows... i might head down a 'unplanned' path that will be yet another one of the greatest journey of my life x