Don't judge a book by its cover

                          

                                                                                                                                                                                                          

          For those of you that know me you will know I have been struggling with my health for years now. If you don't know me well...you will see someone who takes pride in her appearance and may look from the outside like all is great in my world. You may see pictures of me on social media having a wonderful time with family and friends...dressed up, made up with not a care in the world. What you don't know is, that for now, these days are few and precious to me. 

            I'm not dying, I don't have a terminal illness and you can't tell from my outward appearance that I am struggling on a daily basis. I do have two chronic illnesses that are dibilitating and frustrating and can leave me bed ridden for days on end. I DONT tell you this for pity or to have you feel sorry for me. I am sharing this because it has taught me a VITAL life lesson:

                                    

                                        DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER!

                               

        None of us have the right to judge anyone. I know in my profession I always see people who look fine on the outside but are in extreme pain on the inside. I look at where I am right now in my life and I have new awareness of how someone presents themselves, isn't always a true picture of WHO they are or what they are going through. 

                               

        So I Try to be nonjudgmental and a little understanding. I will regularly Check in with people...RUOK? Many people (like myself) won't ask for help or want to bother you and are often so sick of themselves they don't want to burden others with their own "stuff". Hence why they may "appear" on the outside like everything is fine.  Being a consistent thoughtful presence in someone's life can mean so much to them. Being selfless and putting yourself in their shoes can change your perspective about that person and it will make a huge difference to them!

                                 

         If you ask me on my "not so good" days I'll tell you I'm a sooky la la who cries at the slightest thing and sometimes feels sorry for myself. If you ask my closest friends they'll tell you AND  tell me daily; how brave and strong I am. I know I have the right to feel my feelings but I am also VERY AWARE that there are SO MANY other people out there worse off than me. For right now...this is my journey!  And so far I am grateful that this journey has taught me so much...greater compassion, non judgement, understanding, and empathy for others and myself. 

                                   

                                                                      Me too!! 

                                                                -Heidi Marie x

Life is a journey- enjoy the ride

 

THE JOURNEY

As i embark on this next year and the next journey of my life...

...i thought id reflect on some of my 'truths' that i believe are important to me..

 

 

 there are no accidents in life...

everything happens for a reason and each person that we meet will have some role in our lives...

..it may be big or quite small...

they may hurt or betray us...yet we can learn from this and become stronger...

some people will teach us invaluable lessons that will help us to grow and become better people...

...some simply will love and inspire us...

just because they want to see us happy.

 

 

 make peace with the past so you don't mess up the present...

 

...we cant change the past...we have NO idea what the future brings so we must learn to live in the NOW!

...part of being ok with our present life is letting go of the past...

...forgiveness is a crucial part of that...

what is done is done...hopefully we can learn from it and have a greater awareness for the future.

 

time heals almost everything...

 

..how often are you feeling down and believe the situation you are in is never going to end?

...MANY times I have been in a place where i just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel or I wonder if it is ever going to get easier or will the pain go away...

..give yourself the time and grace to feel your feelings and know

this too shall pass

 

 don't compare your journey to anyone elses...

 

..everyone is on their own journey...

we have no idea what their journey is about and have no right to judge...

...what we may see may be nothing to what is really going on...

and just because we have gone through something similar does not mean we understand their pain...

 

 NO ONE is responsible for your happiness except YOU...

 

..not your partner..your children..friends...or job...

ONLY YOU!

we have to chose happiness...we have to be happy in who we are and the choices we make for our lives...

...we cant expect others to make us happy and be disappointed when they don't.

 

le verace via- follow your true path

 

...find your own truth...be authentic...

...be the BEST version of yourself...

...focus on your own journey before you try to criticise someone else's ride...

..make goals and work hard to fulfil them...

LOVE totally with abandon

LIVE with purpose and for today

LAUGH often!

 

enjoy the biggest journey of all...LIVING x

 

 

 

 

2013- the year of balance

 

2013

HAPPY NEW YEAR

 

long time between blogs and one of my goals this year is to 'get back into it'...

so.... great to see you again and i hope that you can find a little inspiration from Heidi Marie x 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BALANCE!

I'm not sure if you are aware but the last four months i have been living with a nasty little virus inside my brain which affects my balance horrifically. At first i was scared... then i did the 'OH wohas me' for a little while...I turned to anger and the 'It's not fair' mantra and finally when none of those served me any longer I have come to accept it and actually be grateful that it came as a 'warning sign' in my life.

 

 

 

 

Acceptance you ask? Yes!! when i took a long hard look at my 'situation' I realised: My lifestyle is FAR from balanced. I run around like a crazy woman trying to fit in as much as possible and attempting to  help and be there for as many people as I can. GO GO GO!!

 

But this illness stopped me in my tracks. bouts of uncontrollable vomiting...dizziness like being inside a washing machine...no control over any of my body... it is like THE most extreme hangover you could imagine.

 

Yet as soon as I started to feel a little better off i went AGAIN and  STILL not learning my lesson ended up bed ridden AGAIN. 

It has taken me 4 'episodes' and I Hope I have learnt my lesson...

 

 

 

...its...BALANCE!!

 

 A coincidence that the illness I have called 'labrynthintisis' affects my balance? and this is the area of my life I struggle with the most??

I don't think so.

 

Like these gorgeous children... we need to take life more carefully...weigh up what and who is important...be mindful that if we don't look after ourselves there will come a time that we will  fall and then we are no good to anyone.

 

...balancing our lives is a tricky task, it takes patience, awareness, good time management and also being a little selfish. yet these choices are a lot easier to make than suffering the consequences of no balance in our lives.

(trust me...I know)

 

 

 

BALANCING

 ...work and play...

...indulgence and control...

...giving and receiving...

...friendship and self...

it sounds ALOT easier than it is but WE NEED to learn to care for ourselves

...especially when we've been taught to put others first...

...but its necessary!

 



I WILL get back on my elephant (hehe)

it may take some time and remembering to live with more balance but i WILL get there

and so can you
 

BALANCE
 your life in 2013 and enjoy the ride x







...life is precious...

...so news came last night of the death of amy winehouse...

...sad but not surprising...

...its also sad that people don't see life as precious...

that so many people would live so carelessly

when on the flip side soo many people are fighting for life!!

let me be the first to admit

that there have been times that i have not placed much value on my life nor given any consideration to the loved ones in my life who could have been irrevocably affected by my thoughtless inconsiderate ways...

... how awful is it that people have little awareness of how their behaviour could end their existence in an instant!

meanwhile...

...i see on a weekly basis children and families struggling with emanate death...

...fighting for life...doing everything possible to avoid death...

...i have a friend who is trying every foreseeable and alternate way to create life...

and yet we hear in the news how people take life for granted...

...a man who takes over 90 lives in a few hours...

...people who disregard life by abusing their bodies and minds...

...for me this is a reminder of how blessed we are to have our health..to live in a beautiful country...to have freedom...

...and it is so important to appreciate the gift of life...

...it is precious and we have so much to be thankful for...

...the 'good times'..the carelessness...the thoughtlessness not only affects our gift of life..it impacts on those we leave behind should it all come to an end!!

...live...love...laugh...

...honour and respect this one life we are given...

as one day you may not have the choice!!

what's my lesson here?

...part of becoming the best person i can be..

...part of working on self development is about realising that things happen as they should...or some would say everything happens for a reason...

...so often i still find myself asking WHY???

...what lesson am i meant to be learning here? why has this situation come about and what can i take from it?

...i also am finding that when we don't 'learn' the lesson or change from it...

that same thing will occur over and over again until we do!!

for example...

i lost my mum years ago...

..while she was dying we looked at a place on the GC to place her during her last days...

....long story but she did not end up there...

...yet here i am volunteering in an organisation and today i discover that i will be working in that place for the next few months...

...and even more amazing... there will be someone in my group that has a family member dying the same way my mum did!!!
...coincidence???

i actually don't believe so...

...yet why?

why why why
...i am questioning why 'this' is something i am about to experience...and how unbelievable it is that i am working in this place...
...whats my lesson here?

...confusing?? yes!!!

confronting...yes...

....am i nervous???

...Lord yes!!!!!!!

but....

....although i am questioning it...

...i am also VERY aware that my journey this year was to walk a path where i would be as true to myself as possible...

...part of this includes reminding myself...

at this time...in this moment...

i am in the right place...at the right time...doing the right thing...
this new experience is yet just another stepping stone to creating an even greater awareness of who i am...
...the more i know who i am and what makes me the person i am...

...the greater i am going to be able to help others...

for as i am seeing more and more...people open up to people who are real and authentic because they don't feel they have to be something they are not...

soooo
whats my lesson here? not sure??!! i will keep you posted...
...and it doesn't matter if i struggle a little along the way...i may get a little 'freaked out'...i may hyperventilate in that place...

buttttt

i am willing to look within and try and discover what this experience is trying to teach me?

...CHANGE OF PLANS...

...so i am a 'goal oriented person'...i like structure...i like to know whats happening next in my life..
....i don't appreciate change and i suppose you'd call me a little 'obsessive'...

...well i can honestly say...

...that without knowing it...without an actual awareness at at the time...

...my life plans...goals... just changed!

...that's the fact...
...the point is...

...i survived and i am OK!!!

...at 18 my goals were:

to finish uni...work for a while...be married by 25... kids by 30...

and then raise them, working part time until i felt they were able to look after themselves...

...then to travel and establish my own business... work hard and retire early!!!

...hahahahahahahaahahhaahahahahahahahahahaah...

...for any one that doesn't know me...THOSE PLANS CHANGED!!!

...and never did i regret anything along the way...

...the mistakes i've made...the people i've loved and lost...none of that was planned for...that was just LIFE!!

...and now as i am about to embark on my very first holiday without my girls (who are now 16 and 18)

...i reflect back on how different my plans are now...

...my goals had to be revised...and i am still OK!!

...and although i do ALWAYS aim to achieve goals i am definitely focusing on enjoying and living in the moment...

...cos honestly...who knows what tomorrow brings???

...my plans were to have kids at 30 and i had my first at 20...

...my plan was to work part time raising my kids...now i am a full time uni student and volunteer a few days at week...

...living in the now has also has helped me become OK with change!

...change doesn't have to be bad..it's just different...

and often by taking one day at a time...it takes the pressure off ones self...

...it also has helped me move forward in friendships...

...relationships..

...for who is to say that people cant change too??

..people DOOO change...i have changed...circumstances have made me change...

...at my core i still hold a great deal of my values established as a child...actually i am probably a great deal closer to that person than i have been over the last 10 years...

...and yes i have altered my views on ALOT of things...

but...

i have gained back my tolerance...forgiveness...patience...understanding that i had lost for a while...

...don't get me wrong..people still confuse the heck out of me... i am just less quick to judge!

...i only know that for now...i am proud to say i am OK if life's plans change for me...

...still 'goal focused'...and also a tad 'obsessive'...

NOW...

i KNOW that i have already undertaken some of THE most joyous 'unexpected' changes of plans ( NO 1# being Tayla & Rhegan)

...so who knows... i might head down a 'unplanned' path that will be yet another one of the greatest journey of my life x

...ONE WAY ST...

...do you ever feel like your relationships are on a one way st??

...do you drive the relationship...make all the plans..

...do all the driving...give all of your self and time??

...and you get to a busy intersection in life...and notice your passenger isn't there!!

...or maybe they are heading in the opposite direction?

...they are not on the same journey as you...

or all of the relationship is one way...

...sometimes we may point out to someone that they are heading for a crash...

...but they have such a blind spot...they ignore us and turn in the opposite direction...and we watch them face a head on collision...

...or we often find we are happily being in someone else's car and going on their journey...

...but when we ask them to be our navigator they don't have the time or make the effort...

...life is not full of one way streets...thank goodness...

...if not we'd be driving around in circles...

...relationships need to be lived on a two way street...with equal travelling time...

...even responsibility...

...where we are just as happy to be on someone we loves journey... as much as we appreciate them coming on ours...

...relationships would be so much easier if we thought about sharing our

travelling time and working together as a team to get through life's journeys...

...one way streets are confusing and never feel quite right when we are on them...

...so lets try and drive through life sharing the road...the travel time..

...the journey x